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Anger, I believe, is unique to the human experience. While animals clearly experience emotions (though that was hotly debated in Western cultures as recently as the early 20th century), anger does not seem to be among them. Fear, which is related to anger, certainly is, but anger itself isn’t—because anger is the story we tell ourselves about being afraid, and animals don’t tell stories.
Why do we feel anger, and how does it work? And how do we know when to embrace it, and when—and how—we should try to slow it down, and take a step back?
These are questions that come up often in therapy, and not just from clients working on anger management. Everyone has a unique relationship with their own anger. Some people over-identify with it, some under-identify, and some—very lucky individuals—understand and experience it in ways that are constructive and beneficial.
Primary vs. Secondary Emotions
One important thing to understand about anger is that it is what’s called a “secondary emotion.” Elizabeth Kübler-Ross famously said, “There are only two emotions: fear and love.” This simple statement is the basis for much of how I help clients understand their feelings. If it is not fear, and it is not love, it is a secondary emotion. Other examples include guilt, shame, pride, compassion, hope, anxiety, and relief.
The difference between primary and secondary emotions is that primary emotions always underpin secondary ones. If we are feeling anxiety, the basis is fear. If we’re feeling compassion, the basis is love. And anger is undeniably fear-based.
This is striking because people often mistake anger for strength, when in fact the opposite is true.
Anger, I believe, is unique to the human experience. While animals clearly experience emotions (though that was hotly debated in Western cultures as recently as the early 20th century), anger does not seem to be among them. Fear, which is related to anger, certainly is, but anger itself isn’t—because anger is the story we tell ourselves about being afraid, and animals don’t tell stories.
Why do we feel anger, and how does it work? And how do we know when to embrace it, and when—and how—we should try to slow it down, and take a step back?
These are questions that come up often in therapy, and not just from clients working on anger management. Everyone has a unique relationship with their own anger. Some people over-identify with it, some under-identify, and some—very lucky individuals—understand and experience it in ways that are constructive and beneficial.
Primary vs. Secondary Emotions
One important thing to understand about anger is that it is what’s called a “secondary emotion.” Elizabeth Kübler-Ross famously said, “There are only two emotions: fear and love.”This simple statement is the basis for much of how I help clients understand their feelings. If it is not fear, and it is not love, it is a secondary emotion. Other examples include guilt, shame, pride, compassion, hope, anxiety, and relief.
The difference between primary and secondary emotions is that primary emotions always underpin secondary ones. If we are feeling anxiety, the basis is fear. If we’re feeling compassion, the basis is love. And anger is undeniably fear-based.
This is striking because people often mistake anger for strength, when in fact the opposite is true.
Written by Erica Leibrandt, LCPC, RYT
Note: AI is not used in the writing of any article by this author.
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Erica has an uncanny knack for understanding what you might be dealing with in your life. Furthermore, she has an even more uncanny knack for helping you figure out how you might amend your thinking and your actions. She doesn't do the work for you and she expects you to be fully invested in your own work. She is forthright but at the same time empathetic, calm and compassionate. I have known Erica for a long time. She brings a lot of life experience and wisdom to her practice. She can help you in your search for positive change to benefit how you live your life well.